Funniest Show in Edinburgh

What more can I say?

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Stop Phone Hacking - make voice mail secure

Doctor Bloggs is on the campaign trail - make voice mail secure

Not difficult but while voice mail is only protected by a 4 digit code and computers can dial phone numbers we are all a short stop from being hacked

What are phone companies doing to improve the security of voice mail???

A simple question to which there is a simple answer - Nothing!

However with your help, this could change! - email your phone company now and ask them the question, but remember you read it here first

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Swine Flu, wheezing and hypersensitivity to flour

Doctor Bloggs was not easily convinced that Swine flu existed. However two months ago her partner succumbed and hasn't been the same since. Internet searches showed the major symptom is coughing

"More wheeze than sneeze".

Swine flu was all too convenient - Liam Donaldson, Chief Medical Officer Department of Health, was about to retire and needed to top up his pensions, hence he was buying shares in Glaxo and telling everyone else to get vaccinated. Roche could not sell its out-of-date and ineffective Tamiflu, and swine flu vaccine was on the shelves before the germ was officially identified. GPs argued about how much they should be paid for vaccinating people with an untested vaccine. Dangerous work, someone might die at the end of their needle.

Doctor Bloggs change of heart comes from seeing her partner succumb to the effects of the virus. An Alfie coughed all over him on the tube six weeks ago, and Dearly Beloved hasn't been right since. His wheeze is as bad as a chain smoking coal miner with pneumoconiosis. It seems people whose immunity is compromised are most at risk, not that there was anything wrong with his immunity. However his symptoms are made worse by bread and flour

"The Whiter your Bread, the sooner you're Dead" (Arbuthnot Lane, 1913).

Dearly Beloved is finally recovering - as long as he avoids gluten, wheat and flour. A recent relapse was triggered by a gluten free loaf containing cornflour.

Wheeze means allergy and in Dearly Beloved's case it seems to be an allergy to bread in all its guises. And the cure - not cheap but definitely effective. A tot of brandy before he goes to bed and the better the brandy, the more soundly he sleeps.

"A dash of brandy comes in handy"

What does this mean? Swine flu seems to a virus triggering an allergic reaction to a common item of processed food. Keep healthy, exercise regularly, avoid processed food and find the cause of your wheeze. Difficult if you are young, apparently-fit, and dying on intensive care from an unrecognised, hypersensitivity reaction?

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GMC suicides

This is why Dr Tracey Bloggs has so little time for the General Medical Council. Like the Burmese Generals and the followers of Aung San Suu Kyi, the General Medical Council plays with the lives of doctors who fall foul of its duplicitous standards.

Today's picture showing suicide and deaths following GMC investigation was presented at a recent meeting to the Royal College of Psychiatrists. This mortality does not include doctors who die after their hearings have closed.

No one wants sick doctors to work, on the other hand, an episode of illness should not destroy their professional lives. The public needs protecting from the stigma and discrimination engendered by the GMC's approach to mental health.


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Ming Vase - Doctor Bloggs denies GMC money laundering charges

Doctor Tracey Bloggs issued a statement denying any involvement with the recent £53m Ming Vase money laundering auction. In her statement Doctor Bloggs denied rumours that the GMC had brought charges concerning her involvement or that her registration has been suspended. In a dramatic counterclaim, Dr Tracey Bloggs said that the Ming Vase, "found in an attic" was a GMC scam to raise money for Fitness to Practice proceedings

The bill for Fitness to Practice proceeding now tops £128 million even before the Mid Staffs allegations are brought. Mid Staffs prosecutions are conservatively estimated to cost between £10 - 20 million, paid for with doctors' GMC subscriptions. As Doctor Bloggs says, "There are always plenty more where that came from."


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On choosing a lawyer - Find someone stupid

Find a stupid lawyer
The Law is about money. Think of it as a bonfire - only go to a lawyer when you have money to burn.




Remember the story of a lawyer and her client attacked by a bear -

The lawyer puts on his running shoes, while the client asks
"Do you think you can outrun a bear?"
the first replies "I don't have to, I only have to outrun you"

Lawyers target your money. The other side may be after your money, but your own guy has a head start and knows where you keep it. It is a battle of wits. Find a lawyer who is stupider and poorer than you, learn the law and tell them what to do. Don't let the bastards outrun you.

The nicer and kinder a professional seems, the better their bedside manner, the more finely tuned their senses are to rob you, keep you sick, unhealthy, and in the dark.

If your lawyer is brighter than you, in any area and including finance, the more he, she or it will charge you. The more intelligent they are, the more they have their own interests at heart.

It applies across the board. For example, the richer and more sensitive your doctor, the more they are inclined to keep you sick. All business men, professionals, politicians are programmed to take your money, votes, sell you surplus goods, prolong legal disputes and keep you ignorant and poor.

The more successful such individuals are, the better they are programmed to keep themselves ahead of the game. Can anyone be trusted? No - in areas that matter, make sure you know more than the professionals and use them only for technical tasks.

Choose a stupid lawyer with a bad bedside manner. That way you can keep a step ahead and be as rude as you like.

Doctor Bloggs is in the process of compiling a list of lawyers she would not touch with a barge pole

Do not forget to ask for your file when you have finished dealing with them


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Dr Shibbi Robati is the new Dr Bean

Despite repeated attempts of the GMC to keep a good man down, Channel 7 has offered the Dr Shibbi Robati the leading role in their new series Dr Bean and the NHS


Dr Bean and the NHS
Synopsis
Dr Bean who looks as though he couldn't organise a bun in a bakery, uncovers the greedy business men who have brought the NHS to its knees, from Sir Professor Dr Peter Rub-it-in-Hard, Sir Professor Paul Fillet head of the GMC disciplinary committees, and their delightful ladies keepin-up-the Paice and Lady Sir Elliot Black Needham. Half man half woman this mottley crowd of evil doctors are headed up by Dr Niall Dickson in their attempt to subvert the cause of common healing and keep the population of the UK sick and ignorant.

At the last minute Dr Bean steps up to the plate and by a series of mysterious twists and turns produces Sir Alan's fishes, reduces waiting lists and makes sure everyone gets to see the doctor of their choice.

This nail biting thriller gets everyone on the edge of their seats, dashing for the exit.

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